Sakura in Wonderland
by WritingOnTheStars
Summary: Neji blows bubbles? Sasuke has bunny ears? Tenten grows weapons? Shino is a tree? Ino controls an army of playing cards? All Sakura wants to do is go home! Oneshot, Rated for language.


**AN - **Well, I think I'm insane. Seriously, I don't know where this came from. I just sat down and wrote this today in about two hours because I have the flu and I'm crazy bored. Please ignore the grammar mistakes, because my email account doesn't like me right now and I can't sent this to my beta. I just want to get this out here before I lose my nerve. Based off the Disney verison of 'Alice in Wonderland'. Loosely based off it. Erg. If you haven't seen it you probably won't get it. Maybe. Anyway, maybe it will put a smile on your face! Enjoy my insanity and please review!

**Disclaimer - **I don't own Naruto, because if I did, the whole story would be fluffy and romantic. And crazy. Because I'm crazy. And I'll shut up now.

* * *

"Sakura!" a voice called. "Sakura, pay attention!" 

"Opps! Sorry Mom!" the pink haired girl replied, resting her chin in her hand. _This is stupid... Why do I have to learn how to knit? This is pointless. I should be out looking for Sasuke!_

"Now, take this thread over this one, and turn the needle..." Her mother's voice faded out as Sakura gazed blankly out the window.

Suddenly, she saw a mass of spiky black hair move pass the window sill. _Oh my goodness! Was that Sasuke?_ Not even caring that her mother was trying to teach her something, she ran out the back door.

"Sasuke-kun?" she called as she looked behind bushes and trees. "Sasuke-kun, are you here?" She sighed. _Why would Sasuke be outside my house? I should get back inside..._

Then she saw a small movement to her left. Following her instincts, she tossed a kunai into the bush.

"Hey!" a familiar voice called.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura hopped over the bush to find the Uchiha examining a rip in his shirt, obviously made by her kunai. "I'm so sorry! I can fix that for you!"

"Hn. No time. I'm late!" He started moving away from her, and for the first time since she found him, she noticed something was different.

"Um... Sasuke-kun, why are you wearing rabbit ears? And a cotton ball tail?" He pulled a gold pocket watch out of the pouch on his leg, quickly examining it as he kept jogging away. "Since when have you carried a fancy watch?"

"No time, I'm late!" Then he took off through the trees with speed that could only come from being a ninja. Fortunately, she could move just as fast.

"Late for what?" she asked as she darted through the trees, a couple feet behind him.

"Not now!" He landed on the ground, running into a cave that she had never noticed before.

_No time to wonder about this sudden cave, _she thought as she ran after the rabbit earred boy. _I need to figure out what's going on!_

Before she could blink, she found herself falling. "Woah!" she said as she grabbed her forehead protector and prevented it from falling off. She quickly assessed the situation. _I ran into a cave after Sasuke-kun. Now I'm falling in an impossibly deep hole, while Sasuke-kun has disappeared. ...I should have stuck with the knitting._

She landed on the ground, rolling slightly to the side to lessen the impact. As she tried to stand, Sakura found that her legs were wrapped in a strange fabric. She glanced down, finding herself in a little blue party dress.

"Great. First Sasuke-kun and the hole, now my clothes are magically different and this blue clashes horribly with my eyes." Suddenly a thought his her. "This must be a genjutsu! I can deal with this!" She formed her hands into the proper seal.

"Kai!" she yelled with her eyes closed.

Slightly afraid of what she would find, she cracked open one eye. _Damn it, _she thought_, it's not a genjutsu! What do I do now!_

"I'm so late," she heard a sulking voice call from further along in the tunnel.

"Sasuke-kun, wait for me!" she yelled as she ran down the strange tunnel. As soon as she took her first step, the cave transformed into a brilliant hallway, filled with strange objects and abstract pictures of kunai.

"No time to worry about this," she muttered, trying to convince herself that everything was normal. "Need to find Sasuke-kun."

A door slammed as she reached the end of the hall. "Aa!" she declared as she threw open the single door in the room, only to find a slightly smaller one behind it. This happened again, and again, and again, until the door became too small for her to even grab the knob.

"Ouch!" something screamed as she started poking the little door. "Quit poking my nose!"

"Hey, do you know how I can get through his door?" she asked, totally ignoring the fact that she was talking to a door knob.

"Of coarse! First you have to drink that potion right over there!" he said, lifting his little eyebrows in the proper direction since he obviously couldn't point. The poor door knob had no hands, after all.

"This here?" she asked as she picked up a little bottle.

"Yep, yep!" the door replied.

"Hmm... This look suspicious. I refuse to take a drink of an unknown substance randomly sitting in a room," she replied logically.

"But then you can't get through the door! That's a shrinking potion!"

She glared at the door. "There has to be another way through!"

"Nope!"

For some reason, Inner Sakura forced her way to the surface. "You had better open up now, you damned door!" she sad as she brought herself down to it's level.

"But... But..."

"NOW!"

"Ahhh!" the doorknob screamed, causing her to look through the lock. All she saw was water.

Suddenly all of it came pouring into the room thorough the door and before she could blink, Sakura found herself floating in a raging ocean.

"Well, today's turning out GREAT." She started trying to swim in a random direction, but found that her legs were once again tangled up in the blue fabric of her dress. "DAMN IT! How could this situation get any worse?"

"AH! A LADY IS IN MORTAL DANGER!" She flinched as she heard the over-exuberant voice.

_I really should just keep my mouth shut..._

"I SHALL SAVE YOU, MY BEAUTIFUL FLOWER OF YOUTH!"

She was quickly plucked up into a small boat by the one and only Rock Lee. Except he was dressed in a little sailor outfit, strange folded hat and all. She had the overwhelming urge to call him 'Donald Duck'.

"Hey Lee. Thanks for saving me," she said lamely.

"Ah! It was of no inconvenience, my dear! In fact, I quite enjoyed it!" he said as she struck a dramatic pose, his brilliant teeth twinkling in her direction.

She just sighed and plopped down on the deck, trying to wring all the water out of her ridiculous dress.

"We have arrived!" Lee called a moment later.

"Huh? We were going somewhere?"

"Obviously! Welcome to... Gai-sensei island!" She felt like passing out at the sight. Dozens of small Lee clones ran around a large rock carved into the shape of Gai giving his good guy pose.

"Come young maiden of the sea! Sing with us!" he said as he hopped off the ship and started running along side his counterparts.

All of the little Lee's started making simultaneous poses as they sang and ran.

'Forward, backward, inward, outward, come and join the chase! Nothing is more youthful than a never ending race! Backward, forward, outward, inward, bottom to the top, never a beginning there can never be a stop to skipping, hopping, tripping, fancy free and gay, I started it tomorrow and will finish yesterday! Round and round and round we go, and dance for evermore, once we were behind but now we find we are be-forward, backward, inward, outward, come and join the chase! Nothing is more youthful than a never ending race! Backward, forward, outward, inward...'

By this time Sakura had taken the ship back out to see, leaving all the 'beautiful green beasts' on their island. After a few minutes of navigating the waves, she saw the shore. "Finally!"

The boat hit the beach with a dull thud. She hopped out and ran across the sand, not wanting to get it in her shoes. At the edge of the beach was a large forest.

"Ah, now I can find my way home! I'm in the forest!" Hoping into a tree, she took off toward no direction in particular. A few minutes later she stopped and looked around.

"Wait, why did I think the forest was a good way to get home?" With a sigh she dropped out of the tree top and sat on a log. "What am I going to do now? I don't know where I am, I've completely lost track of Sasuke-kun and Lee scares me even more than before!"

"You should be more careful about where you sit!" a voice called from behind. The little figure came into her eye sight, causing her to raise an eyebrow.

"Chouji?" she asked, but this Chouji was only as tall as her knee caps. "What are you doing here?"

"Trying to get our bag of chips out from beneath your bottom!" someone else said as she felt her seat being pulled out from underneath her.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I---"

She stopped when she realized the other voice was another Chouji. There were two of them, still only coming to her knees.

"Aw look at that!" Chouji 1 declared.

"You crushed them all!" Chouji 2 said as he dumped the bag out at her feet.

"Now we have to get more!" they chorused.

"Um... I apologize?" said Sakura, confusion lacing her words.

"No matter!" Chouji 1 said.

"We always..." said Chouji 2.

"Carry spares!" They both pulled out new bags as they spoke.

"Well, that's nice, but I must be off! Oh, have either of you seen Sasuke-kun?"

"Who?" they said.

"You know! Really strong, angsty looking, black hair that sticks up..." Both 1 and 2 looked confused. "He has rabbit ears?"

"Oh! You mean the Blue Bunny!" Chouji 1 said as he chewed on a potato chip.

"He went that way," said Chouji 2 as he pointed down a path that Sakura hadn't seen before.

"Thanks you guys! See ya!" she called behind her as she ran off in search of Sasuke.

"No problem!" they called.

She darted down the path, light blue fabric billowing behind her. "Dang, where could he have wandered off to?"

A rustle to her left caught her attention. She darted after it, only to find a very disgruntled Tenten.

"That stupid Blue Bunny, racing through here and stepping on my beautiful plants!" she said angrily as she bent to pick up what Sakura thought were stray kunai.

"Hey Tenten! Has Sasuke-kun ran through here?" she asked pointlessly, knowing that he had just moments ago.

"Hm? Nope, don't know him. But that damned bunny is going to come back here and replant the kunai blooms he destroyed!" she said, not looking up.

"Okay, than--- Wait, kunai blooms?"

"Oh yes!" Tenten said with a nod. "I grow the best weapons in all the land! I have kunai blooms, shuriken greens, senbon vines..." The gardener finally looked up at Sakura.

"Wow! I've never seen your kind of flower!" Tenten said as she abandoned her attempts to rescue the kunai blooms.

"Uh, I'm not---"

"You're so healthy! I wish some of my plants were as neat looking as you! Look at your bright pink petals!" she said as she tugged at Sakura's hair. "You must make some great swords!"

"No, I---"

"Oh! You grow fuuma shuriken?"

"NO!" Sakura said as she lightly pushed Tenten's hands away. "I'm not a flower!"

Suddenly Tenten transformed from a happy gardener to an angry gardener. "Then you must be a weed!" she hollered as she picked up several of the dropped kunai. "I'll eliminate you!"

"Crap!" she hissed as she hopped out of the way. Sakura barely managed to escape the mad gardener, a kunai imbedded in all the trees she had landed upon during her escape.

A sigh of relief passed her lips as she came to a clearing. "Man, what is up with everyone today? What's going on around here?"

"Shut up. You're annoying."

She looked up to see Hyuuga Neji sitting on an overly large mushroom. "Neji?"

"Didn't I tell you to shut up?" he asked as he puffed into a pipe. Bubbles came out of the end.

"Why are you blowing bubbles?"

Neji's eyebrows turned down. "Who are you, you annoying girl?"

"I'm Haruno Sakura from the Hidden Leaf!" she said proudly, tapping her forehead protector.

"I didn't mean your name," he sighed. "I asked who you are."

"And I told you!"

"No, you said a name! I asked who you are!"

"This is pointless! I'm leaving!" she said as she marched off.

"Wait! I have something to tell you!" Neji called, still puffing away on his bubble pipe.

"What the hell is it?" she screamed. Inner Sakura was making another appearance.

He sighed and blew another bubble. "Keep your temper."

"That's it?" She kept walking away.

"No, also---"

"I don't give a damn!" she told the Hyuuga. He just sat on his mushroom and glared at her in the way that only Neji could.

She stomped until she had gotten herself even deeper into the forest, coming to a fork in the road. An arrow pointed down each direction, but nothing was written on them.

"What are these signs even here for then?" she asked no one in particular

"He reached behind her back, lightly running his fingers along her spine... Hehe..."

Sakura's eye twitched immediately. "Kakashi-sensei? Where are you?"

"That depends... Where are you?" he asked, materializing in front of her, on top of the blank signs. But instead of having his normal body, he was in the form of a light gray cat. His left eye was still covered with his fore head protector and his little paw held a copy of 'Crazy Crazy Paradise'.

"I'm right here with you!"

"Where's here?"

She sighed. "Right where we're standing!"

"Ah, yes, yes, I see... By the way, he went that way," he said, pointing down the left fork.

"Who?" she asked.

"The Blue Bunny."

"Really? He did?"

"Who?"

She frowned. "The Blue Bunny!"

"What about him?"

"He went that way!"

"Which way?" he said, looking around.

"That way!" she said pointing to the left.

"What about it?"

"The Blue Bunny went that way!"

"What bunny?"

"Arg!" she said as she walked away.

"You had better watch out for the Mad Capper," Kakashi warned.

"Who?"

"I don't know. Look underneath the underneath!" he said as he disappeared with a puff of smoke.

"Grr..." She walked down the left path, coming to a small garden gate. Opening it slowly, she heard the sounds of music and slurping.

"A very merry unbirthday to you!" she heard a couple boys sing.

"Oh crap..." She thought about turning around when she recognized them, but kept going. _Kakashi-sensei said that Sasuke-kun came this way... _

'A very merry unbirthday!'

'A very merry unbirthday!'

"Hey there! Have you guys seen the Blue Bunny?" she called out. _Get what I need, then get out... That's all._

"AHHH! What a pretty girl!" a booming voice called from the nearby table.

"Hehe..." she muttered.

"Come join us for RAMEN!" the blond boy called, his black sleeping cap nearly falling off his head.

"Yeah! I didn't let Akamaru get into it this time!" the other boy told her, patting the head of a puppy sitting in his lap. A bark answered him.

"I don't think so, but thanks for the offer." Sakura scooted around their table, coming to a stop by another gate.

"AWWWW! Darn! I was hoping for more friends!" Naruto glanced down, noticing his bowl was empty. "Ah! Seat switch!"

"Seat switch!" Kiba echoed.

Suddenly the two boys leaped across the table and into different seats that had full bowls in front of them.

"Now... Let's get back to the celebration!" the dog boy yelled, snapping a new set of chopsticks.

"HELL YEAH!" Naruto screamed.

"What are you celebrating, anyway?" _Damn my natural curiosity!_

"Why, it's our unbirthday!" they both answered.

"An unbrithday? What's that?" she asked.

"Well, it's the day when it's NOT your birthday!" Kiba answered in a matter-of-fact tone.

She sighed at the stupidity of it all. "Then I guess it's my unbirthday too. Anyway, abou---"

"WOW! What a coincidence!" Naruto said as he once again hopped over the table and glomped her.

"Arg! Get off me you knuckle head!"

He hopped up. "No, no! I'm the Mad Capper! Though I don't know why anyone would call me mad, I'm always happy!"

"And I'm the March Pup. This is Akamaru," Kiba said, but Sakura just ignored him.

"I don't really care right now. I just want to know where the Blue Bunny went!"

Naruto stopped and seemed to actually think about the quesiton. "I don't know! But you could asked Hinata-chan! She's real smart!"

"Great! Where is she?" Sakura said. _Finally, a lead!_

"Over there," the two boys said, pointing to a large bundle of blankets that Sakura somehow missed on her way into the yard.

"Hinata-chan?" she questioned as she poked the pile.

"Hm?" came a muffled voice as Hinata's sleepy white eyes peaked out at her.

"Do you know where the Blue Bunny went?"

"Um..." she said back, yawning softly. "I... dunno." Her lids fluttered shut, and the girl fell asleep.

Sakura felt like she was going to explode.

"Well, if Hinata-chan doesn't know, then you should just keep going! That bastard Bunny ran through he a while ago---"

The aggravated girl grabbed him by the fluffy collar of his coat and shook him, flinging his sleeping cap across the yard. "Why didn't you tell me that the first time I asked!"

"Um... Hehe?" he said as he shrugged.

"GRR!" she let go of him and ran through the other gate.

"Wait! Don't you want some unbirthday ramen?" the March Pup, who was actually Kiba, called.

"NO, DAMN IT!"

She ran until she came to another fork.

With a sign she sunk to her knees. "This place is insane!" she told herself. "No one knows anything! I just want to know where the damn Blue Bunny hopped off to..."

"That way."

Sakura glanced around, finding nothing. "Umm... Hello?"

"I said, he went that way."

She looked up to the tree that stood in front of her. It wore sunglasses. _It can't be..._ "Shino?"

"Yes?" the tree answered.

"You're... You're a tree?"

"Would I be anything else?"

She thought for a moment. "I suppose not."

"If you remember correctly, he said that the Blue Bunny went that way." A small gray paw pointed to the left. Suddenly Kakashi's whole cat body appeared, 'Crazy Crazy Paradise' and all.

"Oh! Kakashi-sensei, thanks so much!" she said as she started walking down the path.

"You shouldn't thank me yet. It would take you three days to reach him if you went that way," he said as he hopped onto one of Shino's branches.

"Get off."

Kakashi hissed at the tree and ignored it. Shino sighed.

"But... If you want a short cut..." he said as he rubbed his furry chin.

"Yes! Please Kakashi-sensei!" she begged. _I just want to get out of here._

"Okay!" He touched a knot on Shino's branch, causing a door in the trunk to swing open.

"That's rude," the tree told Kakashi.

The gray cat kept ignoring him.

"Through this path is where he went. Just beware... The Queen of Hearts is testy today..." he muttered.

"Who?" Sakura asked.

"Ah, never mind! Just remember," he said as he snapped his book shut, "to look underneath the underneath!" In a puff of smoke he was gone.

"Oh well," she said as she ran though the doorway. "Thanks Shino!"

"At least someone respects me," she heard the tree mumble as the wooden path closed behind her.

She found herself surrounded by large shrubs full of bright red roses. A path was laid out before her, lined with small wooden pig statues.

Sakura ignored them and charged ahead, focused on finding Sasuke.

"Crap, I'm so late!"

Sasuke scurried across her path, large white ears flapping in the wind.

"Sasuke-kun! Blue Bunny! Whoever the hell you are! Wait for me!" she called as she gave chase.

They entered into a large open area, consisting of large amounts of colorful flowers and a grand golden throne. Upon the plush cushions of the chair sat the one person Sakura hoped she wouldn't run into on this adventure.

"Ino-pig!"

Icy blue eyes met her gaze. "What did you call me, peasant!" Ino declare, jumping to her feet. She was adorned in a poofy red dress, decorated with thousands of little hearts. "You shall not address the Queen of Hearts in this manner!"

_I should have known..._ Sakura thought. "I don't care right now! Where's the Blue Bunny!"

"What do you want?" Sasuke stood at her side.

"Ah! I finally found you!" she said as she latched on to his arm.

"Yes, that's nice, but what do you want? You've been chasing me all day." Sasuke's dark eyes looked at her with interest.

"ARG! SHIKAMARU!" Ino screamed as she smacked a lump beside the throne with her staff. "Do something with this pink haired abomination!"

The boy sat up, a large heart design across his shirt. "What am I supposed to do about it?"

"You're the king! Do SOMETHING!"

He rolled his eyes. "Just do it yourself." He slumped back down next to Ino.

"Fine! Guards!" she called. A stack of cards popped out from the bushes, each one growing little legs and arms in the process.

"Yes, our queen!" all 52 cards said together.

"Get rid of this girl! NOW!" Ino said as she pointed her staff at Sakura, who was still clinging to the Blue Bunny.

"Wait, what did I do?" Sakura asked.

"You called me a PIG! Obviously, you're either stupid or evil. Plus, I just don't like you!" Ino sneered. "GUARDS!"

The deck faced her, all the cards suddenly holding various weapons.

"I would suggest you run," Sasuke told her.

"Yeah, probably... Oh! Do you know how to get home?" she asked quickly.

"Go that way," the Blue Bunny said, pointing to a path behind him.

"Thanks, Sasuke-kun!" she said as she pecked him on the cheek. Not looking back, she barreled down the path.

She thought she had lost them when suddenly the ace of spades landed in her path, other cards following suit.

"Damn," she muttered, knowing she was trapped.

"Arg!" All the cards charged at once, allowing Sakura to jump over them all.

"I just want to go home!" she screamed as a card hopped on top of her. "Please just let me go home..."

"Sakura!" they all screamed as more and more cards piled on her.

"Please..."

"Sakura! Sakura! Sakura!"

Suddenly she sat up, finding herself at her kitchen table. "Sakura!" her mother's voice called. "Wake up!"

"What..." she mumbled, shocked by her surroundings. "Where are the cards? And the Blue Bunny? And the Queen of Hearts?"

Her mother frowned. "Dear, you must have had a bad dream," she said as she patted her daughter's back.

"A dream... It was all a dream..."


End file.
